After the horrifying news that a teen-age is brave enough to embrace a weapon and erase another human being`s life, I have no other feelings but fear ... fear of failure.
Fear that as parents we are all failing in finding the right place in this society for our children.
Fear that my own children could be the next victims of a non-sense OCD action.
her is my list of things i would eliminate if I could:
1) The positive attribute to the word "OCD". Americans tend to use acronyms for their words such that the real meaning is masked. OCD is an obsessive compulsive "disease". occasionally I hear people at work, or in the elevator state happily that they have OCD and expect for me (or others) to understand and embrace their obsession as a positive thing. This entire universe is dominated by chaos, and if they cannot accept the fact that people with this disease are only a minority, while all the others are perfectly fine in their chaotic environment, they need to take a deep breath and step back to look around them at the way everyone live their life. It is a false presumption and an act of arrogance to pretend that we all need to embrace and share each one`s OCD, because in different ways everyone has their own "fissazioni", meaning, things that you want to be done in a certain way, but nobody is so far ahead from reality to suffer if the social or working environment does not reflect their own fixations. Or I should say, only people whose OCD is pushed to the extreme can end up passing the limit of reality and disseminate terror around them.
2) The Saturdays off. I grew up in an island, beautiful and peaceful, where the only Holy day made to rest is the Sunday. Our school hours were Monday to Saturday 5-6 hours per day, with just a 20` break in the middle and lunch at home. No cafeteria, no junk food, no after school. Only me and some peaceful rest, while I was spending the rest of the afternoon doing my homework in literally 4 hours or less. I was pretty good in almost every topic, I was helping my schoolmates by giving private lessons and passing out my notes. It was easy for me to be the best in such environment. I als had a lot ot free time to enjoy and make memories with my friends. Then I experienced in college (at the age of 18 years old) the trauma of not being able to have my little afternoon nap before starting the mountain of homework, but have only the week end available to study. It was very hard for me to keep up with 5 consecutive days of lessons in just two days of the week end, it was humanly impossible to have classes from 7.30-5 PM and go home and study the same day... so I was not able to pass more that 2 final exams that year and left 3 behind.
It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I still remember the sky and its grey muddy color and the cold that penetrated underneath my clothes while I was waiting for the bus...and also the couple of time i was up late to try to study resulting in falling asleep at the first lesson of the day in the big auditorium that was the Polytechnic of Torino.
Maybe not all of us have the skin to handle such rithm, maybe some of us need to work constantly every morning and use the afternoon for their leisure. If I could make a big suggestion to this society i would say to leave us the choice to choose what kind of job we need: 5 days a week for 8 hours, or 6 days a week for 6-7 hours. I am Catholic and could not care less about working on Saturdays. And I believe that family in long term would benefit of having their children at home for the entire afternoon, with no need to worry about bad habits and uncontrolled after school activities.
3) A houskeeper. Dear mothers, dear working mothers, dear housewives... Do you truly believe that a stranger can take care of your nest, of your home, of your living place better than you? That is your own space, your territory, the place were memories are made, in the middle of whatever mess it is. It is the space that reflect your lifestyle, and if you and your entire family cannot keep up with the current choirs, than you all need to take a break from whatever you are doing, and start loving your home as a baby. Things need to be in order and in the right place all the time for our brain to work properly, we all keep things where they belong at work and at school, so in the public places, why not in our own home? are we really in so much hurry that dishes cannot be washed, laundry fold or bed always made? I feel a secret pleasure after i am done cleaning my house, is like fighting a war that you always can wind, is like turning the page of a project and restart a new chapter with blank paper to draw on it, is like making a gift to my entire family, telling all of them: I love you so much, here it is, instead of going to a beauty saloon, or shopping on line, i spent my time for all of us to live in a neat, positive and stimulating environment. This is the feeling that I have every time that I accomplish all the task I desire. And my husband is very helpful in this tasks (maybe he likes to clean too). What happens if for a week we skip laundry or for a day we eat out and do not do the dishes? Nothing, simply the will be a message from the house to us, telling that it is time to slow down in something and take care of the nest first. No panic, no depression, no anger, simply embracing the chaos around us and translate it in one single message: Patience.
Monday, February 26, 2018
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
my re-born
It is hard, very hard to come back home after more than one year abroad.
I was afraid to don't find the energy to start again to work, the joy to see my new friends here, the passion for my job... but here I am, this is my 4th day in US. I feel completely rested and ready to start again before my second big vacation on Christmas.
I spent many days in Rome, Eolie island and Sicily with my beloved KE.
It was an unforgettable vacation, full of joy, sun, food, friend, fun, family, sea...
thousands of pictures and memories...
I know that KE had fun too, he was amazed from the beauty of Italy and Sicily, he said he wants to come back next years..
I was afraid to don't find the energy to start again to work, the joy to see my new friends here, the passion for my job... but here I am, this is my 4th day in US. I feel completely rested and ready to start again before my second big vacation on Christmas.
I spent many days in Rome, Eolie island and Sicily with my beloved KE.
It was an unforgettable vacation, full of joy, sun, food, friend, fun, family, sea...
thousands of pictures and memories...
I know that KE had fun too, he was amazed from the beauty of Italy and Sicily, he said he wants to come back next years..
practising for the TOEFL
Teaching is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs. A teacher is a figure that follows the development of a person since childhood. In our Society it is crucial that, from the youngest ages to College, a teacher represents a respected figure even inside a family. His/Her opinion and ability to judge the profit of a student should therefore be taken in great consideration.
Of course not everybody is capable of meeting these expectations, and in our social system, it is equally possible to find good teachers as well as bad teachers. The statement proposed here says that the ability to relate to a student is more important than the knowledge of the subject being taught. Well, in my opinion this is totally true.
Of course not everybody is capable of meeting these expectations, and in our social system, it is equally possible to find good teachers as well as bad teachers. The statement proposed here says that the ability to relate to a student is more important than the knowledge of the subject being taught. Well, in my opinion this is totally true.
From the early years of my life, I had a figure very close to me, which shines above other teachers in my memories. This figure is like a recurrent Character throughout my entire career.
For example during my 5 years of elementary school I was particularly affectionate to my Italian literature teacher, and when moved to lower school I wrote about her in my first Italian essay. With that composition and the wonderful description I made of my previous teacher, my next Italian teacher followed and stimulated my writing skills so closely that for 3 years we had a unique and wonderful mentor-student relationship.
At high school level the same role was covered from my mathematical teacher, and my passion for sciences was therefore grown from his constant pushing me toward success. Now I am happily graduated with a doctoral degree in Biomedical Sciences.
I still thank and remember those 3 critical figures in my learning process and I thank them for the excellent knowledge they passed to me, in addition to their humanity.
Surely I remember also the other bad teachers that were not able to nobilite their profession with listening and sacrifice. I am pretty sure that the best reward for any teacher at any level is, and will always be, the fact that one of their students is able to live a life full of their thoughts and never-ending advices. A feeling that resemble a little bit a director of orchestra, who, after the final musical note, is submerged by the energy of a loud, grateful applause.
10 anni di illusione
Questa lettera la scrivo a me stessa
Mi trovo a lavoro nel posto piu` orribile del mondo.
La maternita` mi ha completamente cambiato la prospettiva di vita e
anche gli ideali in cui ho sempre creduto. I falsi e ipocriti ideali
di una missione umanitaria chiamata ricerca.
Non sto dicendo con questo che Gabriel e` la ragione del mio
fallimento, anzi e` la ragione del mio successo e della mia rinascita.
Finalmente mi sono caduti i prosciutti dagli occhi, e riesco a
guardare le cose con piu chiarezza. Vedo per esempio che sono
circondata da gente fannullona e fancazzista, che maschera la propria
motivazione sotto un falso aspetto da stackanovista. In realta` ognuno
pensa solo al prorpio tornaconto, al proprio successo personale, e
a niente altro.
La motivazione e` una di quelle parole che maschera lo sfruttamento e
misura quanto uno e` disposto a vendersi pur di succedere, implicando
a volte sia fregare gli altri, sia essere disonesti.
La scienza e` molto bella, peccato che ad alti livelli non e` piu`
bella ma diventa come una guerra, fatta di strategie e sotterfugi,
dove solo i furbi vincono. Ebbene si, perche` qui non si tratta di
sopravvivenza, ma addirittura di vittoria. Infatti un bravo scienziato
e` solo quello che "conquista" il primo o l`ultimo nome sulle 3 piu`
prestigiose riviste... e di tutti quelli che lavorano in mezzo? ne
vogliamo parlare? di tutti i poveretti che muovono i progetti
silenziosamente, a volte nell`anonimato, che rappresentano il motore
dei laboratori, senza i quali i grandi e piccoli progetti non
vedrebbero mai la luce... studenti, dottorandi, postdoc, assistenti,
tecnici ecc ecc.. Ecco io non posso piu` fare questo lavoro a lungo.
Per il momento il mio lavoro mi da un malessere fisico che non avevo
mai provato prima. Mi prende un senso di repusione per questo posto.
L`idea di andarmene mi rende cosi` felice che conto i giorni come il
militare.
Diciamo che ormai non ho piu` la testa, ne` la voglia di fare ricerca. Ti chiede troppo e non ti da` nulla, ma davvero nulla, solo
merda in faccia e delusioni...
Purtroppo la triste verita` e` anche quella per cui bisogna sempre
andare avanti, e se non hai possiblita` o fortuna rimani bloccato per
sempre in una posizione che dopo un po`, come dire, ti sta stretta.
Tutti vorremmo non avere capi, tutti vorremmo lavorare per noi stessi,
e uno scienziato a maggior ragione persevera nel suo lavoro soltanto
quando sta cercando di scoprire qualcosa in cui crede veramente,
qualcosa che smuove un`adrenalina dentro che si chiama passione,
amore, motivazione..ecc.
Ecco la mia per la scienza era e sara` sempre una passione viscerale,
tale da farmi stare male quando gli esperimenti fallivano o farmi
toccare il cielo con un dito quando trionfavano.
Questa passione stava prendendo il controllo della mia vita, mi stava
succhiando l`energia, mi stava divorando...
Fino a quando ho incontrato la persona che mi ha regalato la cosa piu`
bella: la Verita`.
Grazie alle lunghe conversazioni e alle lunghe sere di pianti, Kurt e`
riuscito a mettermi davanti un quadro molto semplice e completo della
mia situazione: in questo ambiente ci sono pochissime possibilita` di
avere successo gia` a priori, poi se aggiungiamo il fatto che il mio
livello di preparazione non puo` e non potra` mai raggiungere quello
di altri colleghi, l`unica conseguenza e` proprio quella di un
inevitabile fiasco.
Dunque quale e` stato l`errore?
Innanzi tutto essermi fatta convincere a fare un dottorato che non
volevo solo perche` era immediatamente disponibile, e quindi non avrei
dovuto cercare lavoro. All`epoca volevo gia` cambiare posto, non
rimanere nello stesso laboratorio, ma non credevo in me stessa
abbastanza da potermi muovere all`esstero. E cosi` il primo
fallimento. Bene, allora do a me stessa una seconda possibilita`
andando a specializzarmi in un post-dottorato all`estero. Ed ecco il
secondo fallimento.
Avrei dovuto capire subito che era inutile insistere e investire su di
me come scienziato.
Semplicemente non funziona.
Sia Sara, che Mani non hanno sicuramente un buon ricordo di me.
Adesso so una cosa, a posteriori: che avrei potuto dare il meglio di
me ma non l`ho fatto, che non sono e forse non saro` mai capace di
alzarmi e difendermi, poiche` non ho mai lottato prima e anche ora per
i miei diritti. E chissa`, questo forse e` dovuto al mio DNA
siciliano, a secoli e secoli di sottomissione e rassegnazione.
O magari, solo nella mia famiglia, il fatto che i miei mi abbiano
sempre spinto ad eccellere credendo in me, mi ha portato a credere che
tutti attorno a me debbano per forza avere un`opinione positiva, a
priori...
Dunque non avendo dimostrato di essere in grado di sostenere lo stress
di questo lavoro ho preso la decisione di cambiare carriera e
dedicarmi all`ambiente clinico.
So che anche li` la competizione e` spietata e non ne vado fiera se
dico che sto buttando via 10 anni di studio e lavoro cosi`, ma del
resto devo dare a me stessa il tempo di adattarmi alla nuova vita di
mamma e moglie, e la ricerca questa possiblita` di rallentare un po`
non la da` di sicuro.
Ebbene, che la scienza vada pure avanti senza di me, non credo
qualcuno rimpiangera` la mia assenza.
Un suggerimento che avrei per il mondo della ricerca in generale e`
questo: smettetela di finanziare grant a progetti stupidi e
insignificanti che hanno scarsa o nulla valenza clinica. Le soluzioni
potrebbero essere qui di seguito elencate:
1) Figure professionali tipo Ispettori che sorvegliano l`integrita`
degli esperimenti dovrebbero far parte di ogni gruppo di ricerca.
Controllare i notebook, validare protocolli per tutti i laboratori,
uniformare tecniche e condividere tecnologie, analizzare e rendere
pubblici i dati positivi e negativi attraverso una fitta rete di
informazione. Questo sarebbe il lavoro dell`ispettore.
2) Dovrebbero esistere solo piu` i progetti finanziati dalle autorita`
che rilasciano grant, governative o pubbliche, e tali progetti hanno
delle metodologie e ipotesi gia` prestabilite. Diversi laboratori si
incaricherebbero di svolgere il lavoro e riportare i risulati ottenuti
all`autorita` che finanzia. E finalmente tutto lo stress associato
alla scrittura/sviluppo/sottomissione dei grant sarebbe eliminato.
Inoltre tutti i giochni sporchi che stanno dietro le pubblicazioni dei
papers verrebbero annullati, poiche`il successo di un laboratorio non
sarebbe determinato tanto da quanti articoli si pubblicano, ma dalla
produttivita`, intesa come numero di esperimenti conclusivi con esito
sia positivo che negativo. Per non parlare poi del fatto che gli
scienziati, cosi` restii alla collaborazione, sarebbero costretti a
condividere TUTTO, dati, idee, strumenti, reagenti, per una causa
indubbiamente superiore e piu` nobile della propria carriera.
E con questo concludo il mio sfogo.
E solennemente mando a cagare i miei 10 anni di amore cieco per la ricerca.
Agata
La maternita` mi ha completamente cambiato la prospettiva di vita e
anche gli ideali in cui ho sempre creduto. I falsi e ipocriti ideali
di una missione umanitaria chiamata ricerca.
Non sto dicendo con questo che Gabriel e` la ragione del mio
fallimento, anzi e` la ragione del mio successo e della mia rinascita.
Finalmente mi sono caduti i prosciutti dagli occhi, e riesco a
guardare le cose con piu chiarezza. Vedo per esempio che sono
circondata da gente fannullona e fancazzista, che maschera la propria
motivazione sotto un falso aspetto da stackanovista. In realta` ognuno
pensa solo al prorpio tornaconto, al proprio successo personale, e
a niente altro.
La motivazione e` una di quelle parole che maschera lo sfruttamento e
misura quanto uno e` disposto a vendersi pur di succedere, implicando
a volte sia fregare gli altri, sia essere disonesti.
La scienza e` molto bella, peccato che ad alti livelli non e` piu`
bella ma diventa come una guerra, fatta di strategie e sotterfugi,
dove solo i furbi vincono. Ebbene si, perche` qui non si tratta di
sopravvivenza, ma addirittura di vittoria. Infatti un bravo scienziato
e` solo quello che "conquista" il primo o l`ultimo nome sulle 3 piu`
prestigiose riviste... e di tutti quelli che lavorano in mezzo? ne
vogliamo parlare? di tutti i poveretti che muovono i progetti
silenziosamente, a volte nell`anonimato, che rappresentano il motore
dei laboratori, senza i quali i grandi e piccoli progetti non
vedrebbero mai la luce... studenti, dottorandi, postdoc, assistenti,
tecnici ecc ecc.. Ecco io non posso piu` fare questo lavoro a lungo.
Per il momento il mio lavoro mi da un malessere fisico che non avevo
mai provato prima. Mi prende un senso di repusione per questo posto.
L`idea di andarmene mi rende cosi` felice che conto i giorni come il
militare.
Diciamo che ormai non ho piu` la testa, ne` la voglia di fare ricerca. Ti chiede troppo e non ti da` nulla, ma davvero nulla, solo
merda in faccia e delusioni...
Purtroppo la triste verita` e` anche quella per cui bisogna sempre
andare avanti, e se non hai possiblita` o fortuna rimani bloccato per
sempre in una posizione che dopo un po`, come dire, ti sta stretta.
Tutti vorremmo non avere capi, tutti vorremmo lavorare per noi stessi,
e uno scienziato a maggior ragione persevera nel suo lavoro soltanto
quando sta cercando di scoprire qualcosa in cui crede veramente,
qualcosa che smuove un`adrenalina dentro che si chiama passione,
amore, motivazione..ecc.
Ecco la mia per la scienza era e sara` sempre una passione viscerale,
tale da farmi stare male quando gli esperimenti fallivano o farmi
toccare il cielo con un dito quando trionfavano.
Questa passione stava prendendo il controllo della mia vita, mi stava
succhiando l`energia, mi stava divorando...
Fino a quando ho incontrato la persona che mi ha regalato la cosa piu`
bella: la Verita`.
Grazie alle lunghe conversazioni e alle lunghe sere di pianti, Kurt e`
riuscito a mettermi davanti un quadro molto semplice e completo della
mia situazione: in questo ambiente ci sono pochissime possibilita` di
avere successo gia` a priori, poi se aggiungiamo il fatto che il mio
livello di preparazione non puo` e non potra` mai raggiungere quello
di altri colleghi, l`unica conseguenza e` proprio quella di un
inevitabile fiasco.
Dunque quale e` stato l`errore?
Innanzi tutto essermi fatta convincere a fare un dottorato che non
volevo solo perche` era immediatamente disponibile, e quindi non avrei
dovuto cercare lavoro. All`epoca volevo gia` cambiare posto, non
rimanere nello stesso laboratorio, ma non credevo in me stessa
abbastanza da potermi muovere all`esstero. E cosi` il primo
fallimento. Bene, allora do a me stessa una seconda possibilita`
andando a specializzarmi in un post-dottorato all`estero. Ed ecco il
secondo fallimento.
Avrei dovuto capire subito che era inutile insistere e investire su di
me come scienziato.
Semplicemente non funziona.
Sia Sara, che Mani non hanno sicuramente un buon ricordo di me.
Adesso so una cosa, a posteriori: che avrei potuto dare il meglio di
me ma non l`ho fatto, che non sono e forse non saro` mai capace di
alzarmi e difendermi, poiche` non ho mai lottato prima e anche ora per
i miei diritti. E chissa`, questo forse e` dovuto al mio DNA
siciliano, a secoli e secoli di sottomissione e rassegnazione.
O magari, solo nella mia famiglia, il fatto che i miei mi abbiano
sempre spinto ad eccellere credendo in me, mi ha portato a credere che
tutti attorno a me debbano per forza avere un`opinione positiva, a
priori...
Dunque non avendo dimostrato di essere in grado di sostenere lo stress
di questo lavoro ho preso la decisione di cambiare carriera e
dedicarmi all`ambiente clinico.
So che anche li` la competizione e` spietata e non ne vado fiera se
dico che sto buttando via 10 anni di studio e lavoro cosi`, ma del
resto devo dare a me stessa il tempo di adattarmi alla nuova vita di
mamma e moglie, e la ricerca questa possiblita` di rallentare un po`
non la da` di sicuro.
Ebbene, che la scienza vada pure avanti senza di me, non credo
qualcuno rimpiangera` la mia assenza.
Un suggerimento che avrei per il mondo della ricerca in generale e`
questo: smettetela di finanziare grant a progetti stupidi e
insignificanti che hanno scarsa o nulla valenza clinica. Le soluzioni
potrebbero essere qui di seguito elencate:
1) Figure professionali tipo Ispettori che sorvegliano l`integrita`
degli esperimenti dovrebbero far parte di ogni gruppo di ricerca.
Controllare i notebook, validare protocolli per tutti i laboratori,
uniformare tecniche e condividere tecnologie, analizzare e rendere
pubblici i dati positivi e negativi attraverso una fitta rete di
informazione. Questo sarebbe il lavoro dell`ispettore.
2) Dovrebbero esistere solo piu` i progetti finanziati dalle autorita`
che rilasciano grant, governative o pubbliche, e tali progetti hanno
delle metodologie e ipotesi gia` prestabilite. Diversi laboratori si
incaricherebbero di svolgere il lavoro e riportare i risulati ottenuti
all`autorita` che finanzia. E finalmente tutto lo stress associato
alla scrittura/sviluppo/
Inoltre tutti i giochni sporchi che stanno dietro le pubblicazioni dei
papers verrebbero annullati, poiche`il successo di un laboratorio non
sarebbe determinato tanto da quanti articoli si pubblicano, ma dalla
produttivita`, intesa come numero di esperimenti conclusivi con esito
sia positivo che negativo. Per non parlare poi del fatto che gli
scienziati, cosi` restii alla collaborazione, sarebbero costretti a
condividere TUTTO, dati, idee, strumenti, reagenti, per una causa
indubbiamente superiore e piu` nobile della propria carriera.
E con questo concludo il mio sfogo.
E solennemente mando a cagare i miei 10 anni di amore cieco per la ricerca.
Agata
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The theory of the parachute
There are 3 categories of people, if we imagine that life is lived on board of an airplane (where everything is transitory, unstable and in continuos movement) and in the bottom there are the several aims to achieve.
I don't see life as reaching goals that are on the top of a mountain, but as in the bottom of a dark valley, of which we don't know destiny, depth and difficulties.
Once we touch the bottom, we are forced to look for another goal, and therefore we go up on another airplane, ready for another launch.
Now I mentioned three categories:
1) those who in order to reach an elevated number of aims, do not care too much to control their parachute, or to predict how much will be the duration of the fall, or what there will be when they will touch the bottom; they just throw themselves and don't think twice about it. Calmly, during the fall, they open their parachute and wait and hope that the moment of the impact son't be too traumatic. Once they tried, they stand up and immediately look for other launches, other goals, other impacts that give them satisfaction, that make them feeling alive.
2) there are people who before making every launch check meticulously their parachute, they don't trust about people who came back from the previous launch saying that everything will be all right. These people here over-think about every detail, trying to control the length, duration and pain of the impact, and mostly, they control that parachute that they carry behind their shoulder: it is the only they trust. Therefore these people will spend their lives always on the board of the train, paralyzed from the fear to hurt themselves in reaching the goal; and when they decide it is the moment to jump, they open their parachute too early, inside the airplane, remaining trapped with no other way out.
3) the last category is made of people who leave in a intermediate situation between the first two. These people are tremendously concerned about what will be the future and control their parachute meticulously, before each launch, but what it matters for them is not the number of jumps or aims achieved, but to taste every moment of the fall: from when they are leaning from the airplane to observe the bottom, to the moment where the feet touch the ground: every instant is important.
It is like this that these people remember the whole pattern and truly enjoy the result: they look out, watch around, feel their hearth palpitation more and more intense, jump, fly and maybe scream or laugh or cry, open their parachute, let themselves be transported from this confident burden and finally touch the ground safe and healthy.
The goal is achieved and nothing went bad. Once they touched the soil, they don't think immediately "what will be my next goal?", on the contrary, they carefully close again their parachute, put it on their shoulders and walk, walk until they will be ready. Some of them won't be ready anymore after one single jump (IInd group), other change and want obtain more and more aims (Ist group), and others stay with their feet on the ground and an upward gaze (IIIrd group), their trusted parachute always on their shoulder, ready eventually to climb on the airplane in order to relive the same emotions... or to just observe the sky and the time in front of them.
I don't see life as reaching goals that are on the top of a mountain, but as in the bottom of a dark valley, of which we don't know destiny, depth and difficulties.
Once we touch the bottom, we are forced to look for another goal, and therefore we go up on another airplane, ready for another launch.
Now I mentioned three categories:
1) those who in order to reach an elevated number of aims, do not care too much to control their parachute, or to predict how much will be the duration of the fall, or what there will be when they will touch the bottom; they just throw themselves and don't think twice about it. Calmly, during the fall, they open their parachute and wait and hope that the moment of the impact son't be too traumatic. Once they tried, they stand up and immediately look for other launches, other goals, other impacts that give them satisfaction, that make them feeling alive.
2) there are people who before making every launch check meticulously their parachute, they don't trust about people who came back from the previous launch saying that everything will be all right. These people here over-think about every detail, trying to control the length, duration and pain of the impact, and mostly, they control that parachute that they carry behind their shoulder: it is the only they trust. Therefore these people will spend their lives always on the board of the train, paralyzed from the fear to hurt themselves in reaching the goal; and when they decide it is the moment to jump, they open their parachute too early, inside the airplane, remaining trapped with no other way out.
3) the last category is made of people who leave in a intermediate situation between the first two. These people are tremendously concerned about what will be the future and control their parachute meticulously, before each launch, but what it matters for them is not the number of jumps or aims achieved, but to taste every moment of the fall: from when they are leaning from the airplane to observe the bottom, to the moment where the feet touch the ground: every instant is important.
It is like this that these people remember the whole pattern and truly enjoy the result: they look out, watch around, feel their hearth palpitation more and more intense, jump, fly and maybe scream or laugh or cry, open their parachute, let themselves be transported from this confident burden and finally touch the ground safe and healthy.
The goal is achieved and nothing went bad. Once they touched the soil, they don't think immediately "what will be my next goal?", on the contrary, they carefully close again their parachute, put it on their shoulders and walk, walk until they will be ready. Some of them won't be ready anymore after one single jump (IInd group), other change and want obtain more and more aims (Ist group), and others stay with their feet on the ground and an upward gaze (IIIrd group), their trusted parachute always on their shoulder, ready eventually to climb on the airplane in order to relive the same emotions... or to just observe the sky and the time in front of them.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The rule of the 3 Rs
There are three categories of researcher:
1. Recommended, who are not particularly brilliant and succeed because of other people above them push a favorable wind in their interest;
2. Rich, who don't become scientist because they look for a job, for a way to support their family, but because it is cool, or because of passion, curiosity, glory;
3. Repugnant, who are very passionate but unfortunately let themselves be crushed from the desire to succeed, therefore they become repellent and solitary, plus they desperately need for funding for their projects.
I am probably turning into 3, a lonely hunter, looking every day for a way to solve problems, forgetting about people around me, that love me and follow me in every my crazy mood changing.
I wish to be either 1 or 2, but is not possible in this life, so I guess I have two choices at this point:
change job or change attitude, maybe originating a new cathegory:
4. Regenerated, who after experience a period in the third section decide that science and lab job is not everything in life, and only when it is done with moderation, without excess, is really helpful and fun.
Since this is my first night as single, after almost 2 years dating KE, I think I really need a big change in my life, before I loose whatever I really think is my true love...
1. Recommended, who are not particularly brilliant and succeed because of other people above them push a favorable wind in their interest;
2. Rich, who don't become scientist because they look for a job, for a way to support their family, but because it is cool, or because of passion, curiosity, glory;
3. Repugnant, who are very passionate but unfortunately let themselves be crushed from the desire to succeed, therefore they become repellent and solitary, plus they desperately need for funding for their projects.
I am probably turning into 3, a lonely hunter, looking every day for a way to solve problems, forgetting about people around me, that love me and follow me in every my crazy mood changing.
I wish to be either 1 or 2, but is not possible in this life, so I guess I have two choices at this point:
change job or change attitude, maybe originating a new cathegory:
4. Regenerated, who after experience a period in the third section decide that science and lab job is not everything in life, and only when it is done with moderation, without excess, is really helpful and fun.
Since this is my first night as single, after almost 2 years dating KE, I think I really need a big change in my life, before I loose whatever I really think is my true love...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
One of he worst thing you can do to me
Stop me from reading. My brain is thirsty and curious. My eyes, my hands, my imagination, black ink on a white page… that`s all I need.
I usually read lying on the bed, on the sofa, on the sand, on the grass, in the train, airplane, and bus.
I read because I like to imagine myself in the situations, I like to give my own features and personality to characters, I like to assume what is going to happen next. I read because I think everything is written, everything is said, there is not much we can describe or discover nowadays. We need to always look back and understand what others before us want to tell us in a book or article. After we are conscious of what is already said and written, the questions we always ask to ourselves will find answers spontaneously and naturally. Also, our desire of communicate what we think may find full expression in the supreme beauty of art.
I read whatever I think in a particular moment of my life will help me in improving my mood, relaxing, amaze me, entertain me. I loved for a while Andrea Camilleri, I still love him, but I am desperately looking for some English writers comparable to him.
I like to go to the book store and just stay there, looking and smelling the atmosphere, until I find some book who calls me to me. I feel that the best books I red in my life are the ones I red exactly in the moment in which they gave me what I was looking for, the ones from what I absorbed every minimal detail, and this, unfortunately, it happens once in a while. I also was used to read entire books at the store, partially for greed of knowledge or curiosity and partially for fun motivations toward saving money.
The inner wealth has no price. Event the simplest sentence leaves a trace on my minds, in my heart. I like to capture sentences and make them mine; guard them until I need to use, with myself, or to help someone, or just to remember how beautiful is life and how desperately we need to love our world.
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